360 Degree of Love : Love & Wedlock

Posted by redthil On 9/04/2009 10:48:00 AM

Previous: In Love

Love & Wedlock

Those who manage to build the bridge stronger or manage to successfully walk through the thin rope, end-up here. This is the quadrant, where you want to register yourself in the world. This is the world which is not considered till now, which mostly comprises of parents, friends, very close relatives.

Now you try to change the thing that, " 'You're in love with so & so person" is till now known only to very very close friends" (that's how most people think. but the reality may be otherwise). There is always this confusion of when to tell parents about this. If parents are very much ok for love, then no problem at all. what if otherwise? when there was some discussion about this topic, one of my good friend told that, 'you tell parents, when you think that you're ready to get married'. By this way, you can enjoy all those 'in love' part more, take this out when you think about marriage and ready for wedding. And this seems quite practical too (i think you're aware that, we're just talking about 'when to tell your parents'. not 'when to get married'. 'When to get married?', its absolutely depends on person and situation). Once you're ready, get this to parents, convince them as this is the right thing to do, its hard to do that, but with little struggle, more talk, it is possible (in most cases). This is the hard part, which you always like to take it only at the end or try to postpone it to the max extent you can.

Just try to put in "Parent" shoe, and think for a while. " You have been taking care of your child, working and living all these years, just bring your child up to a better position. You always think that your child should get all the things, which he/she wants, and you try to make your child's life happy and better always. And when you come to know that, your child is in love with 'someone' (till now he/she is still just someone for them), for these many years, and you were not aware of it. Isn't it odd for you. don't you feel bad about that (bad here, not for the love, for not knowing/saying it till now) ". So, if there is any person in this world, who deserves to be told about this, i would really say, its none other than parents. And this bad feeling runs till their life ends, and i think, is the main reason for parents to not accept your love at the first point. though you can convince them on any other reason which they say for not accepting, this bad feeling will haunt them always, ever after.

Talking about the reasons, what other reason does parents say for not accepting? I just want to take little help from Vijesh here, in quoting the points discussed in one of tamil debate show ( i too watched the show buddy. that dark guy was talking all rubbish stuffs only, like goin to the extreme extent) :
  • Caste the guy or girl belongs
  • Religion
  • Language they speak
  • Pride they might lose of accepting the love marriage
  • I don trust love marriage
When your parents say these points, they just keep the 'society' in mind, before any other thing. Caz, once married, you are also part of the same society, which everyone belongs to. So, they always think on those terms. Its not that they dont bother about your happiness. As for them, they always think, you'll be more happy if you get along with the society, in the way the society wants, which is how they have been all these years. Any deviation from that, they think you're not going to get the help from the society. (By Society, its always or mostly, is your relatives). Though they are not that important in your point now, you might require them sometime. There are traditions that has been followed by this society for all these decades. The society is, how the people in that society are. so, people in parents generation, always abide by the laws of the society, which is that tradition. You can see a big difference between parents generation and their previous generations, all moving inch closer towards accepting these love marriages. And you can also see the difference between parents generation and current generation, where most people are accepting love marriages. the trend is really changing. but just because of the fact and moral that, you respect your previous generation, this tradition/relegion/caste/pride affects the marriage proposal. I'm very sure that, when we're the elder generation, this will get transformed totally (hopefully).

And about the dont trust part, its all what they see and hear from the society that, most love marriages gets over sooner than that apear, which is very true these days. Even you will accept that most divorce cases in court today are love marriages. Its just the fear that, their child also should not end up like this, losing happiness. I agree,that none can guarantee for happy life if its not love marriage. but what heard and seen in close circles, do affect our thinking more.

Here too, you always tend to disclose only those sweetness, glow, chillness and light about your lover to the parents. But, always try to disclose other things too, which might be a major concern later, like no gravity in moon. Your parents might thing of building palace in moon, which is not that easy as they think. It becomes your responsibilty to make sure that, either your parents are aware that its not easy or they dont think of building it in moon at all. :)

Looks like me more biased towards parents??? my answer would be, kind-of yes (will you oppose that?). But after all, what they want is our happiness. so, when you talk to them, be forward compatible, tell them in a way that they get your point crystal clear, assure them that you'll be really happy with this guy/girl, they will finally give the green signal (its personally up to each person on how to react if its Red Signal for sure). Once its Green from your parents, now, you dont have to bother about anyother person (ofcourse, the same applies to your lover too). Next are those days, counting every minute for that Moment, for your wedding. It does not depend on how crowded your marriage is, it surely depends on how happy people are in your wedding, even if the crowd is fewer.

Hows this post? 

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redthil
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